What is it with some people that makes them seem to need to WHINE constantly about every little thing? Have they not heard of the phrase SUCK IT UP AND GET OVER IT?

UGGGHHHH >_<

I don't want to sound coldhearted but seriously.... people go through shit every day and don't complain half as much. Just shut the fuck up already.

FEH.

okay. here it is.

c:

well, found out early this morning that my grandmother died. She'd had a stroke several days before - and the family was kindof...waiting? wow that sounds morbid, but we knew it was coming. She was a really cool awesome lady. c:

I'm sad...but not...? does that even make sense? Maybe it hasn't totally completely hit me yet.

funeral might be this weekend.

bleh.

wow. I'm an idiot.

or something.

this is three times in the last week I've been told that I've missed something or been wrong about a date/time when I /know/ I wrote it down and was trying to be so careful about being punctual, etc. >_> gARRAWERWERWER


oh and the other day.... FIVE MINUTES after I made popcorn and gave some to one of the kids..... I ask him... 8D what're you eating over there?




yeah...


>.>



<.<


>.>



I am not going insane.




>.>

I hate...

myself and how I've always been. The one who never can seem to focus or accomplish anything because part of the brain seems to tear information into pieces instead of keeping it whole for retrieval at some point. I hate how I can't remember what I've done from one day to the next, and that I'm so used to being screwed up and wrong about things that it takes almost nothing for me to second-guess myself until I've totally and convinced myself that I did something backwards, wrong, or stupid just BECAUSE I'm that way and I most likely would have even if I actually didn't.

I hate that yet again while making an important decision in my life I caved in and didn't go with my gut because the other option was too fucking scary and made me nervous as hell, even though it would have been the better choice.

I hate that I'm a nervous wreck right now and shaking and crying because yet again I've proven myself to be a worthless, stupid loser.

hate it hate it hate it hate it

I hate that this has been going on all my life. And nobody fucking cared enough to ask if maybe A PERSON ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE AND FEEL THIS WAY GODDAMMIT

I hate that every time I feel like this all the memories of past crap comes to the surface and I'm reminded of every time I went along...didn't speak up...didn't say no... got confused... lost it.... forgot...

and the looks and the snickers and the stares and the names... that went with it.

I hate that I feel stupid and selfish and like a silly little brat for posting this.

I HATE that I have to post something like this on a damn dA journal just to get it out of my system.

Nobody reads this crap. Well... almost nobody. There are a few of you out there that actually give a rat's ass.